✳ BAD DECISIONS. BIG EARS. ONCHAIN.

PONKIESTHE INTERNET’S
WORST STABLE.

PONKIES are what happens when donkeys discover the blockchain and immediately make terrible financial decisions.

↳ One requires courage.The other requires questionable judgement.

Dusty, a slime-covered donkey in a torn teal hoodie

100%
UNSTABLEHANDLE WITH CARROTS

SCROLL RESPONSIBLY. OR DON’T. ↓

NO BRAINS. BIG EARS.✳PROOF OF ASS™✳UNSTABLE BY DESIGN✳HEE. HAW.✳NO BRAINS. BIG EARS.

COMMUNITY TRIAL / GTD APPLICATION

APPLY FOR GTD.

One wallet. Two questions. A questionable amount of dignity.

Your wallet and answers are visible only to you and the admin. No wallet connection or transaction is required. Never submit a seed phrase or private key.

Loading your application…

WAKING THE DONKEY…

01 / THE HERD

MEET THE USUAL
SUSPECTS.

Five faces. Zero good alibis.
Pick a donkey. Open their ASS FILE.

Fictional character records. Token numbers are part of the lore, not verified collection metadata.

Dead Beat, the stable’s deeply unqualified advisor

DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM THIS ASS.

02 / A PERFECTLY BAD ORIGIN STORY

SOMEWHERE,
A GATE WAS
LEFT OPEN.

They found an abandoned computer. They ate the instructions. Then they discovered the blockchain.

Now the internet has a donkey problem. Stitched ears, stolen hoodies and enough questionable judgement to power a small country. Welcome to PONKIES.

Nobody’s in charge. Especially the guy in the crown.

TRIAL 03 / UNLICENSED PERSONALITY TESTING

THE ASS-O-MATIC 3000.

WARRANTY VOID BEFORE USE

01. NAME YOUR ASS.

02. LOWER OUR EXPECTATIONS.

Someone gives you $100. What do you do?Your greatest skill?Choose your weapon:

03. Drag the lever down. Keyboard: focus it, then press ↓ or Enter.

DO NOT SHAKE THE DONKEY

▲ASS PRESSURE

AWAITING A QUESTIONABLE SUBJECT

DEPARTMENT OF QUESTIONABLE DOCUMENTATION

GET YOUR
ASSPORT.

No nationality required.
Dignity optional.

“Next.”“…unfortunately.”

A fictional ID. No wallet, email, account, or NFT required.

THERE’S SOMETHING UNDER THE STABLE.

PONKIES
BROADCAST
BUNKER.

THE INTERNET’S LEAST TRUSTED MEDIA ORGANIZATION

News. Music. Surveillance.
Propaganda. Several donkeys.

CLASSIFIED / MANAGEMENT PROPERTY

THE CONTRACT
VAULT.

NETWORK STATUS
ETHEREUM ✓
STABLE ?

Management knows the address. Probably.

CONTRACT STATUS / 🔒 CLASSIFIED

NETWORK: ETHEREUM MAINNET ✓
CHAIN ID: 1 ✓
MARKETPLACE: OPENSEA ✓
CONTRACT ADDRESS: NOT YET REVEALED
MINT STATUS: NOT LIVE

CA? NO.
GAS: DON’T ASK.

04 / OPENSEA EXIT GATE

DO NOT RELEASE
THE DONKEYS.

PREPARING THE HERD

DESTINATION: OPENSEANETWORK: ETHEREUM MAINNET · ETH · CHAIN ID 1

GATELOCKED

HERDCONTAINED

CONTRACTCLASSIFIED

MINTNOT LIVE

MANAGEMENTCONCERNED

LAUNCH INFO COMING SOON. The official collection/mint URL has not been configured.

GTD FREE MINT · MINT PRICE: FREE · NETWORK: ETHEREUM
Ethereum network gas may still apply.

~~ETHEREUM~~ ASSEREUM

“How much gas does this boat need?”
“Wrong gas.”

“Does anybody actually know where OpenSea is?”
NO.

05 / DIRECTION IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

ROADCRAP.

Roadmaps are for people who
know where they’re going.

01PHASE 01 / THE PLAN, ALLEGEDLY

OPEN THE GATE

Release the herd. Try to look like this was intentional.

02PHASE 02 / THE PLAN, ALLEGEDLY

BAD DECISIONS

Somehow acquire a community. Put nobody in charge.

03PHASE 03 / THE PLAN, ALLEGEDLY

TOUCH GRASS

Take the chaos outside. Real-world antics to explore.

04PHASE 04 / THE PLAN, ALLEGEDLY

GLOBAL ASS DOMINATION

Legal team asked us not to explain this one.

A creative direction. No dates, financial returns, or deliverables are promised.

06 / YOU’LL FIT RIGHT IN. UNFORTUNATELY.

FIND YOUR
KIND OF WEIRD.

Our developers asked us to stop clicking this.

DO NOT RELEASE
THE DONKEYS.